When Life Gets in the Way

When writing stalls, how do you find your way back?

This isn’t the post I meant to write this week. I had big plans. I was going to write something insightful, helpful and gently encouraging. A brilliant post! A conversation starter!

And then life happened.

I suffer from chronic menopausal migraines (look away now if the M word makes you squeamish). Every month or so I lose days to them. There’s no predictable pattern. Sometimes I can take meds and carry on. Others I simply have to give in and let it play out. This week was one of those weeks. 🤕

So, instead of my brilliant post, I’m re-sharing an old piece about what to do when life gets in the way of your writing, because it happens to us all. Maybe I’ll learn a lesson or two.

---

Workshop: Managing Creative Resistance

I can’t wait to see some of you at our first Zoom gathering! I’ll tell you everything I know about Creative Resistance, how it gets in the way of writing, and how to deal with it.

Thursday 23^rd May 2024, 6-7pm BST

Zoom details will go out by email 48 hours before, so if you’d like to join us, make sure you’re subscribed. There’s no need to register, just keep an eye on your inbox. All subscribers welcome and there will be a replay.

Get all the info here.

---

When Life Gets in the Way

I’m a big advocate of the little and often approach to writing, especially if you’re working on a larger project, like a book. Instead of waiting for the perfect conditions, or whole days when I can devote myself to writing, I can get a surprising amount done in small windows of time squeezed into the everyday. First thing in the morning works best for me – maybe for you it’s evenings, or during the commute, or waiting for an appointment, or at the school gates. But sometimes, I don’t even have the energy or headspace for that. When life gets super busy or challenging, writing is often the first thing to go. Even with the best intentions and a rock-solid writing practice, there will still be times when writing takes a back seat.

This is normal. It happens to everyone. It’s inevitable. And it’s OK. The real question is, what do we do about it? How do we get back to our writing practice after an unplanned break?

The key for me has been learning not to beat myself up. It doesn’t help me, and it doesn’t help my writing. Feeling guilty means that I begin to associate negative feelings with my writing. That’s not what I want. Writing then soon becomes another job to be ticked off the list. How quickly will that suck the joy out of it?

Also, it’s not a race. Unless you are genuinely writing to a contracted deadline (which can be a great motivator in the right circumstances) then you can afford to be kind when your writing schedule wobbles. If you are in this thing for the long haul – and I assume most of you are – then being a writer is for life. It’s very easy – and common – to tell ourselves that we should have done more, but again this creates a negative association, which we don’t want. How much difference would it make to approach your writing sessions with positivity and purpose? What would that look like for you?

Comparison can be a stumbling block here – comparing your progress to other writers is a sure-fire way to feel bad about yourself. I’m not going to tell you to stop comparing because that’s just not realistic. Instead, focus on becoming more aware of when you’re doing it. When you learn to notice the behaviour it’s much easier to stop the negative chain of thought – Oh, there I go comparing again. What can I do instead? Remember, your writing journey is yours alone and, contrary to what some people would have you believe, there is no right or wrong way to do it.

It’s true that finding our way back to our project can be harder after a break. It’s all too easy to put more pressure on ourselves with unrealistic plans about how we’re going to catch up. Nothing will knock creativity on the head like a big serving of pressure and expectation. Instead, how can you reengage with your project in a fun, low-pressure way? Try freewriting or drafting something that you have no intention of including in the finished product. Writing exercises can be a great starting point. One of my favourites is to rewrite a scene from a different point of view, or to pick two characters and write a conversation using only dialogue. Often, the lower your expectations, the better the outcome, and you might just find that little nugget that inspires you again.

And lastly, don’t forget that a surprising amount of thinking work can be going on, even if you’re not actually getting words on the page. How often do you have an idea or insight while you’re driving, or walking the dog, or doing the dishes? I recommend finding a way to record all those ideas. I’ve learned the hard way that the brilliant idea will have gone by the time I get to my desk. Voice memos on my phone have saved me time and again.

In a nutshell, when life gets in the way of your writing, feeling bad about it won’t help you get going again. What will is finding a sense of lightness and fun. This is supposed to be something you want to do after all – something that can provide a nourishing and enjoyable respite from all of life’s noise. What can you do to help yourself get there?

And if you hadn’t figured it out by now, I’m writing this mostly for myself, because I need to hear it, too.